Even when I know someone is going to let me down, I hold my heart out for them. It's happened to me countless times with friends and family. I let others walk all over me. There's a line for a song that goes "I'll do what I got to, the truth is you could slit my throat and with my one last gasping breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt". Gruesome, I know. But there is no line that could encompass who am I as a person more accurately. I can't count on one hand the amount of times I've put myself back together after putting all my faith into someone, letting them into the quiet and secret corners of myself, and watching and feeling helpless as they tear me down. I never learn.
My Father is one of those individuals. For years I listened to his lies, praying one day he would change, honestly believing one day I would wake up and have my Dad back, like nothing had changed. We would be the best friends we were again, and everything would be normal. I believed everything he told me, even though I knew better and even though others told me differently. I believed his addiction wasn't bad, I believed it was an easy fix, I believed one day I would have my family back. Even 4 years later, I still hold that same belief every time I see him. I know deep down in my gut that it won't, but my heart and mind won't let me go there.
Believing isn't a bad thing don't get me wrong. From experience however, it has led me to a lot of pain, but there is a large amount of greatness it brings as well. If I didn't have such a strong sense of belief, I wouldn't be where I am today. I have let myself get hurt by believing in others, but I have also opened so many doors. Believing in others lets friendships form easier, and helps you to bond with others based purely on that fact that you know they are worth it. I have such high standards for everyone I meet, simply because I know everyone has the potential to be an amazing individual and accomplish great things.
So, there really is nothing wrong with being that person who has faith in everyone, but you have to know when to stop yourself before getting too invested. The world doesn't deserve us believers most days, but we are the ones who deserve the world. Remember that next time you are feeling like you don't want to believe. Know that some people prosper because of us. We may be the only people that believe in them, and you just have to be comfortable knowing that often you are often a bridge in others lives, but not the destination. A select few will realize your beauty and chose to explore what lies beneath, so don't worry.
Words of wisdom someone once told me "Just stop breaking your own heart kid, there is plenty of others to do that for you." It's true, no one can break your heart like you, and what I've also learned no one can fix it like you either. So keep on believing, especially in yourself and all the abilities you possess, trust me it will take you further than you've ever been set back.
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